with Sue Read

This page is about the body. Things I've learned through years of chronic conditions, issues, imbalances that I had to search for answers to-- decades of failure, misdiagnoses, recoveries, misfires of brain and body but worst of all the battles with Rockefeller medical professionals who were trained to fix everything with a pill, cutting or radiation. There is/was no connection to natural, holistic or looking at the body with energy centers and its own healing abilities. I guess part of my soul journey included not only brain misfires but also a list of body challenges to overcome and learn about tying together the concept of a whole being. I had to learn first about how we came into the world--as energy in a body, then a soul's list of "imbalances" to learn to rectify --mind you with no memory at birth of any of this. Later I would be introduced to modalities of self healing but that would begin at a very unlikely place--the spiritual "body" as it's called. In the Piscean era we have left behind, and in the world reset by the council of 300 elites--they systematically removed our inner knowing and ability to self heal. But some of us had a slight remembrance of past lives as healers, oracles, medicine women and shamans and using the earth as remedy. What I had to learn was why we get sick, why we fall down, why some are born with severe "mis-abilities" and birth anomalies--challenged mentally or physically. For me it's been a slow burn through each decade of physical and mental challenges, some from birth some acquired through childhood traumas lodged in the body, stress, some through genetics --through birth or shut off during survival mode. Some issues likely caused by fluoride, and chemicals introduced early. The answers to those questions have come from research, other connected intuitives , my own guides, and inner knowing, education on the "bodies" which I will explain. We will all get here eventually in the next Age of Aquarius and back to the Divine Feminine era of self empowerment and self healing and energy. But for now I am guided to use myself as a kind of road map I guess for those just awakening.   

 

It's not a terribly glamorous topic but it's one we all have to deal with at one point or another when a body ( or mind) doesn't work like it should and we are told currently to fix it with big pharm, get pills, take general tests and trust the doc. To be parted out like a car instead of seen as a contiguous Divine healing machine that just needs it's owner to remember it's blueprint. Having a body requires maintenance of the heart and mind above and also means accepting full responsibility and acceptance (not easy). We are actually juggling more than just the effects of this time on earth. Whew!  this is a lot to start off with. And I have often told my soul --you gave me just way too much to process. I guess I was a warrior on the other side, telling God "pick me, pick me" to go to earth again but have come to realize I was already worn out by too many lives on this planet. And yet here I am facing every discomfort imaginable by pouring out my own heart and soul for everyone to see. 

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As for me, my woes began early--(outside of trauma) at 5 I was hospitalized for a bad bladder infection that I do remember. Then I broke my leg at 18 months and apparently I was born with a leg too short like my father--same leg that was broken. At the age of puberty new menses created major mood and instability, rage and irritability that made me not want to be around people as I could snap easily. At 18, pregnancies'(s) brought illness, dehydration, depression, hospitalization and suicidal thoughts. Big Ugh. Later, mid 30's I got hit with ADHD (the immobile version), bi-polar, anxiety, depression, and more. 40's was about hormone deficiencies no one checked or cared about until through research I found Suzanne Somers who also suffered from the same progesterone lack as I did. Bio-Identicle hormones were new and I was chastised by male docs for taking them. Hormone information was scant and unaccepted unless they could put you could be put on tortured pregnant mare's horse piss $$$, which later revealed was cancerous to women. Each issue through the years that I have gone through I had to learn to research and hope, eventually led me to herbs after my father's care use herbs. But more information was needed a decade later-now- as I crashed hardcore again at 60. But struggling my way through it with more info and putting my energetic knowledge and prayers to use. This life has been mostly dark, frustrating, lots of tears and never feeling optimal for long periods. I learned to fake everything at a young age for survival but the life lesson was to morph into the healthy, independent happy human I never knew. 

 

It's difficult to quantify decades of mind-body-mood-embedded trauma and try to have a normal life, but rather have to fight for knowledge and help from doctors. After the super stressful chapter of caring for my father after institutional care nearly killed him many times and helplessly watching my mother die while taking dozens of meds that did nothing to heal her. I had to find the answers to heal all of my bodies--spiritual (loving, forgiving and understanding the soul contracts with my childhood abusers, ancestral wounding, karmic balancing, healer wounds, shadow work, ego deaths, and so on.), mental -meaning both programmed negative thoughts, self hatred, body dysmorphic issues and the afflictions of ADD+ that symptoms of both CPTSD and chemical imbalances--emotional -all the unresolved pain I held inside that might erupt as anger, rage, depression, etc and the imbalanced chemistry and hormones compounding instability and shut downs, bad thoughts -and finally the physical body that I pushed hard, never respected, loathed, abused and let others misuse and covet. It was the landing place for all the unresolved issues, chemical imbalances, overwhelm and shut down showing up as chronic fatigue, weight gain, inability to process toxins, high cortisol, high blood pressure, heart irregularities, breathing issues, bladder control (even with surgery), eye issues, back issues, digestion issues, brain fog, instability, and more...just wanting to leave this earth more times than I can count. Begging God for answers. Knowing deep down this was me as a soul having to experience all of it to one day doing this now. Hopefully offering someone a lifeline or hope when it gets really messy. 

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 Learning to self heal on all levels and being acutely aware of the layers has been a lifelong ordeal for me  and one that was meant to eventually end in self love & acceptance

 

 

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Disclaimer- I am not medical professional, I am not advising, treating or offering anyone any health cures, therapy, or remedies so please see your medical professionals and those you trust to guide you. This page is about some of my own soul lessons with my body on a multilevel medical, mental, physical experiences and to simply share what I was guided to. 

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​​​​My father allowed me to learn with him using natural healing methods in place of pharmaceuticals of which I got him off two lawsuit drugs, and just did herbs with research -- it would be a gift I could use on myself later. This act of love cost me dearly, the stress of fighting with institutional care would cause weight gain again, my hair began falling out, and other bad things.  The endless hours of research, testing learning root causes of ailments, and dis-orders led me to use herbs not big pharm and alot information I needed to know in order to work on myself and heal so much with both my body and mind. 

I still don't have all the answers, but in the years following both my parents deaths I healed my thyroid, ( my mother died with this and on a began to body build, wrestle at 52, and thought I was on the mend. However I wasn't done healing--not for the next 6 years up till now my reality crashed and that led to more fear purging and system crash and serious issues I am working on now. The last years I learned my DNA held secrets that tied many of my lifelong symptoms together that doctors would not treat if it didn't need a pill or a standard test. 

I do not have a medical/mental degree but I learned so much from these mind body imbalances and you don't need a degree to heal YOURSELF as you know better than anyone outside of the Creator.  Finding the right tools is a journey of self love unto itself, getting back to nature and trusting your God and the body he gave you.

 

 

 

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I want to share a painful advocacy story that I went through to begin processing trauma, self care to learn herbs, to see the flaws of elder care in general institutional care.  And to honor those who went against the system, and cared enough to do the right thing. And in the 9 months of my father's ordeal, my mother who was 7 years younger but died instantly of a DVT  55 days before my father. ​

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While I am no expert in the scientific field of how all of the body works I had no choice in the ladder part of my life to learn a lot through the perils of my fathers health concerns exasperated and nearly killed though a negligent hospital visit. Through my advocacy to keep him alive and returned to him home - I leaned the hard way how things work in the healthcare system regarding institutional and elder care. When I saw the degradation of my father in 3 days from what should have been a brief injection of Lasik's, and release- instead to my horror he was severely damaged neurologically and through this stress I began losing hair and gaining weight . While in the hospital I was sick from a cold so I had my brother check on him until day 3 when no one would return my calls on his progress. When I finally saw my father he was incapacitated with a catheter , oxygen and full blown delirium.  He did not recognize me at first, and he tried to call his sister from my coat. He could not hold a cup to hydrate himself or walk. His menu was full of sugar and his meds were old law suit drugs I got him off of, and they doped him with insulin he had never needed to knock him out. They refused him mobility as they were short staffed. The details I have documented thoroughly as I was in shock and taking notes & researching through the night and figured out they almost killed him 3 times, I had to get him out with threat of our attorney. Then they scrambled to get him physical therapy, a new case worker and a doctor. It was too late, he was damaged and never walked out of that hospital on his own, stayed on oxygen and a catheter destroying what was left of his freedom--he walked in but never walked out --if I had not used legal threats he would have been died there and at one point I called everyone in for their last goodbyes until he woke up from his insulin coma, a priest, and nearly choking to death next to an aid who did nothing. My daughter and I tag teamed to punch the mucous ball out of his blue mouth.....

So I had to learn fast and how and what to preserve what was left of his life and his wishes to be at his home. Many said "walk away", but if I had, I would never taken the journey to healing my own hyperthyroidism disease--something my mother died with and on meds for, or continue the journey to finding answers to my other debilitating issues I still had to work on. Self healing became a driving force and an accidental passion, maybe even an obsession because it seemed to come from deep within past lives where I knew I was a medicine woman, and healer. It seemed more important to find the truth, than accept potential powerlessness. He allowed me to use herbs to keep him stable so he could eventually make peace with his God and accept my forgiveness for a troubled childhood. And I took that knowledge forward not only for my health but to see the healthcare system for what it is. To see the elder neglect, big pharm and strawman links to bilking the body for all its profit making and payout at the end. 

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  When I defaulted as my dad's sole care giver and proxy that is when the travesty of our health care system became evident in elder care. In my dad's case it was extreme on every front. In fact I always figured when I was far enough away from this mentally and physically draining exhaustive battle I fought with institutional care I would write it all down. I would include as well, his own fears of mortality and the spiritual view he held of being punished and going to "hell" for the mistakes he made. I would write a memoire on all that took place. One that carries compassion, but also exposes the raw truth non-advocated elders face, if alone. I have heard others have some of these experiences with their loved ones, and I am seeing it with others I know. 

 

 Why he went for an ER visit: I will just summarize here and begin with this. My father crashed his car in 2015 and intuitively I knew he would not embrace being dependence on anyone if he could not get his license back. Coupled with losing his second wife four years prior, I knew he might just give up.  I began as his health care proxy at this time to make sure he would care for himself, going over his meds, records, taking him to his doctor appointments and my first insight into eldercare came when I noticed his doctor of 30 years was very complacent in dad's care, but happily took his insurance. This doctor left him on outdated meds, he no longer needed which turned out to be lawsuit drugs which I later proved caused harm during his first "ordeal" that began with a simple ER visit, not doing any testing or inquiry as to how he was doing. I changed  docs shortly after researching his current meds list. , got him off these meds, as he had lost weight and cleaned up his issues, so we went organic and holistic in his care, this new doctor was very supportive. 

 

 

I was worried one night checking on him, his ankles were slightly thick, a bit of edema as he was getting depressed that he knew he would not get his license back and cause him to be dependent , so I called the doc, she wasn't worried and said give it time and it was my decision. But I was nervous, as he was in my care now but I made the mistake of trusting the hospital instead of my gut. So I took him to what was to be a quick ER visit for slight edema from him sitting most of day, I had just began a home care schedule. The quick version is that my father wound up unable to walk, and with neurological damage within 3 days of being admitted--but they were not talking to me, I couldn't get a doctor, I was getting a cold so I would come up at night on day 3 to see him until I was shocked at his immediate degradation. 

I began researching daily, on elder care in institutional care,  new symptoms developed and nothing made sense and it was only me caring for my dad, one brother left the family and my younger brother drove truck 6 days a week. . I had to find out what happened where he now couldn't talk, feed himself, I discovered his menu was sugar, carbs, no protein, then I found they were dosing him with insulin- which he had never been on, just junk food and liquids he could not drink alone, which I found left in front of him mostly untouched- he could not hold a fork, he could not talk.  I later learned he had gone into delirium which I was to be avoided at all costs by researching and confirmation later by a foreign doctor at another hospital months later as I explained what happened to him.  He was put on the old meds that I just got him off of. The list goes on what I discovered daily until they nearly killed him, and I had to threaten with his attorney to get him out.

The next day, I was  given apologies, a new case worker and physical therapy only after my daughter and I saved him from choking to death from what I learned was an insulin coma--The girl was taking his vitals as his heart rate dropped and he turned blue-she did nothing as a hollered for help, my daughter jumped across the bed and we intuitively worked together to bring him back. He was awakening from the coma and choking on a mucous ball. I thought he was dying and called relatives in, no one would take to me and it was day 5. I was in shock because I had never seen anything like this and was unprepared to deal with the aftermath but I had no choice.

 I had no idea what was happening or why for such a simple visit- a dose of Lasik's is what his new doc and I expected then released. Not what did happen to render him unable to ever walk again, he was put on a catheter immediately, denied nutrients, fluids, probiotics, dangerous meds, a list of "automatic protocol" elderly meds and devices so they did not have to get him up within that first 3 days.  I did not know what was supposed to be the "norm" but this was anything but that. It was a crash course of healthcare debauchery for some unlucky elders. 

 

In my research, I learned elder lose 2% of their muscle mass every day they are in institutional care. They give antibiotics but do not rebuild the immune system. They do not ensure enough fluids go in, instead they give constipation meds to further deplete the system of fluid thus minerals. They place their heads in front of an electrical panel which can easily cause delirium- messing up the neurological system as the elderly have weaker neurons and more than likely metal toxicity from a lifetime of metal build up. Two drugs he was one, that I got him off of did cause physical harm, one caused malabsorption issues as the med was sued over for causing intestinal decay, this was confirmed by a doctor at another different hospital.  

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After this visit the whole journey kept playing on repeat. It became battle after exhaustive, painful, battle with institutional caregivers and doctors contradicting, omitting, misdiagnosing, re-dosing his cancelled lawsuit meds, neglecting and depriving him basic care. When I would say something I was treated with cold answers or none at all- I was the bitch. In a nursing home for rehab he was put in the death wing after he returned from and ER visit for a UTI.  Later on when I was able to get him home there were still incidents - a masonic nurse put his bag in wrong which now he could not be without and nearly made him bleed out and required a trip to the ER, which was a horrific ordeal as they kept putting in the wrong size tube until he screamed and pulled it out spraying the room with blood. I felt helpless and useless but I was fighting his battles everyday, even after my mom unexpectedly died was revived and died after I got there...

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But back at the first hospital I researched nightly and fought with a legal threat to get him out of there after too may incidents of neglect and degradation. That 5th day he nearly choked to death after  nearly dying of an insulin overdose which he was never on and never needed --they fed him sugar then shot him up so they would not have to get him up so he slept. I didn't know that at the time. He was denied physical therapy admittedly because they were short staffed and he was too tall to handle. This was the beginning of a very long education in herbal vs big pharm meds vs institutional care, and I eventually proved my case in holistics and herbs months down the road when a doctor saw my dad come in for the catheter incident looking "on his way out" when his bloodwork showed very different results. The bloodwork was perfect. He asked what I was doing and I told him what regiment of herbs, foods, and nutrients he was on. He said he had to show his colleagues - he said" whatever you're doing--just keep doing it. "  That is now burned in my brain.

 

But the nightmare went on, institutional care facility one after another until I got him home, and then it was the homecare providers that challenged us. There were some exceptional caregivers but they didn't last -they would quit the company for hours, pay etc. On the other side they said my dad was too hard to care for, wouldn't show up or would lock him in his room as he howled. So I wound up having 2 care companies, and one employee, a family friend who towed the line with laughter and stuck to my protocol for dad. But by now I had discovered through a visit to his urologist he had gotten MRSA months ago from a nursing home no one informed me about, they said it was a UTI, so he could not come back. I was already giving him mannose and she was pleased with that because they also use it, but I had no idea about the MRSA. That ER visit cost him the ability to eat normal food, he as nearly died during that visit - and I was there to see to witness it but did not know yet what was happening  but the doctor said he could have brain damage.  But dad fought too, barely making it through this one but now I had to grind everything and add powder to liquids they called it dysplasia.

Though I had the help I had to stay close no matter what. I filled in for 12 hour shift no shows, ran for medical and home supplies, groceries, nursing visits, paperwork, bill paying, health logs I kept, it was a 24 hour job.  My own health was now lagging after months of stress, and I was losing my hair and weight. Months of intensity; grueling battles, documentation, research, fighting with staff and administrators, make them hydrate him properly, give him immune support, proper nutrition, movement to oxidize the cells and provide outside visits. And I was there every day I could be outside of my life before all this.